Thinking

Okay. Im not going to on my facebook tonight. Sigh. Theres so many people get Mara scholarship and im not one of them. Im jealous and sad. I didnt get it not because Im not good enough but because Im a chinese not a malay. I should have work harder last time. I knew im a chinese and i didnt work hard for it. My emotion carried my rational away. I shouldnt be focusing on love last time. I should focus on my studies. Okay peggy. Stop complaining and comparing. Excel in A Level and make your parents proud of you okay?

I never know Im that week. I just couldnt stand the pressure. Im so tensed. I need someone to talk with but yeah no one is going to be there for me. God please help me. I need you know :’(

Going to sleep early tonight cause i need to wake up damn early the next morning to send my sister to school. My phone’s battery went low again and Im so lazy to charge it. Have a little talk with my family tonight. We are out of money recently. My A Level depends on my spm now. Please God :(

Okay first and foremost i cant stop watching those CSI series. First Miami and now New York? Come on. Im so addicted on those right here right noww. I couldnt get enough of it. It was awesomeeeeeeeeee. Stop talking about drama n lets talk about driving. My driving skill was like &(“;°:%;%「)#)%/%@#%&*/ sucks. As in S.U.C.K.S!!! I always have the difficulties naik the bukit on the way to my house. Sadddddd.

Every night comes, I started to have difficulties in breathing. Could you give my life back?

MUHAMMAD AZRI BIM MOHAMMAD ARIS. I miss you. I miss you a lot. This life isnt easy without you. I really dont deserve all those shits you gave me. I want to forget about you and move on. It took months months already and why i still cant get you out of my mind. I know for religion you dumped me. I know you will never come back. But why I cant forget about you? If you know we will not be together in the end you shouldnt let me fall in love with you in the first place. Muhammad Azri i was serious in this relationship. I put my real feelings and i cant believe you just dump it like that. Like im worthless. I miss you. I love you. I dont know what to say anymore. Now we are just strangers with memories and it just hurt me so damn freaking much. I dont know how any tears that i have shed for you and im tired of crying. Lord. Jesus. Please help me to walk through this. Plwase. I dont know how much i can stand anymore.

For the one last time. I need you. I want you. Please dont leave me. :’( I still love you. A lot as I said and as I promised. 

First day of 2013 and im sick. This doesnt sound great to me.

I remembered years ago someone told me I should take caution when it comes to love, I did. You were strong and I was not. My illusion my mistake. I was careless I forgot, I did. And now, when all is done there is nothing to say. You have gone and so effortlessly. You have won, you can go ahead and tell them. Tell them all I know now. Shout it from the root top, write it on the skyline, all we have is gone now. Tell them I was happy, in my heart is broken, all my scars are open. Tell them what I hope would be impossible… Impossible…Impossible.. Falling out of love is hard, falling for betrayal is worst. Broken trust and broken heart, I know I know. Thinking all you need is there, building faith on love and words, empty promises will wear, I know I know. And now when is all gone there is nothing to say. And if you’re done with embarrassing me, on your own you can go ahead and tell them. Tell them all i know now, shout it from the roof top, write it on the skyline, all we have is gone now. Tell them i was happy and in my heart is broken, all my scars are open. Tell them what i hope would be impossible, impossible, impossible, impossible. I remembered years ago someone told me i should take caution when it comes to love, I did. Tell them all i know now shout it from the roof top write it on the skyline. All we have is gone now. Tell them I was happy and in my heart is broken, all my scars are open tell them what i hope would be impossible, impossible, impossible impossible.

This is a simple conversation between my heart and my brain… 

Heart : I miss him a lot.. I cant let him out of my mind. Whenever I watched a romantic movie, I will certainly think about me. Why did he leave me? I can be a very very good wife and mother. I’m willing to learn how to cook or even clean the house and so on just to be by your side and why you’re doing this to me? Please come back… :’( 

Brain: Come on, Peggy! You got to be kidding to me. There are tons of boys out there waiting for you why dont you give it a try? 

Heart: He is always on my mind and I can get him out of it. I wanted to be cool and walked away but I just couldn’t… I don’t want other guys. He is the only guy that I want. I never meet this kind of guy before. I know he has a bright future and he will be a very responsible guy and he will take care and protect me from danger. 

Brain : You thought you’re living in a fairy tale and you’re the princess and he is the prince? Come on! You need to wake up. You shouldnt be living in the visual world. Everything just seems so fake. Why don’t you find another guy and piss him off? ;) Like old times..

Heart: No. I will not do it anymore. You havnt learn your lesson last time? Just leave it. I dont want to fight.

Brain: Yeah. Just leave it but right now you couldnt even concentrate on your spm. Please. You said you’re going to make your parents proud of you and where is the determination to succeed right now? 

Heart: I dont know. Everything seemed so fake to me right now. I dont know what I want. All i want is him. Him only but he acted like he doesnt even care and it hurts a lot. Does he really lose his feelings towards me? 

Brain: I dont know what to say right now. No one can help you. Not even him. Listen to me girl, if he is yours he will be yours and if he is not yours.. he will never be yours… 

Heart: I know but sometimes God let us choose too. I dont know what to do right now.. Brain.. you think… you have all the neurons inside the brain..

Brain: You’re such a stupid girl. Why you love him so much and he wouldnt even care. He wanted to focus on his studies and he likes other girls right now. He treated you cold and didn’t even care about your condition and situation and he is having fun… FUNNNN! Funnnnnnnnnnnnnn! Please peggy.. wake up… 

Okay..Why am i talking to myself right now? :( God, please.. tell me what to do :( Im weak…Very weak. :’( Please God. Help me… :( :’( :(( Should I let go or hold on? :(

Everyone wants success, and yet they often don’t know when they have it. For most, it is the maddening chase toward a better way of life or more of something. More fame, power, recognition, money, or material stuff.For some, it is the understanding of a loving partner, the love of their child, or the people that they can count on when life throws them a curve. I am coming to believe that success is not more material wealth, but peace, happiness, contentment, and love. Most of all love. Real success is not to be sought after in the outer world, but discovered in your inner world. I am not condemning the stuff of life. We all want the things that life offers. But we don’t need as much as we think we do. Sooner or later you will discover that real success is friends, strangers, and anyone who crosses our path. It is kindness shared, support given and received, listening, giving, and caring. These will endure while your car rusts, your toys break, and you tire of the temporary gratifications that bring you what you think is real. What matters is people. What lasts is love. What counts are true friends, and if you treasure these you can count yourself a success. 

Im on the edge of giving up…

When I need help, no one is there for me. People rela having fun, enjoying their life instead of helping me. But whenever they need help, I will always be there for them. Sakit hatilah… I send message, they dont want to reply. Life is hard. You give 100% to people, they wont be giving you 100% back… I just need help… :’(

1. Neracha 

2. Idaran Zaman

3. Pengasuh 

4. Al - Imam 

1. Sheikh Tahir Jalaluddin 

2. Syed Sheikh al-Hadi 

3. Dr Burhanuddin al-Helmy